Longhorn Source Code

Hellraiseruk

Feb 24 2004, 01:02 AM

CODE

Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
Project: Version - Windows Longhorn

Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):

#include <nonsense.h>
#include <lies.h>
#include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include <process.h> /* For the court of law */

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

void main()
{
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_pla

y)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
bastard");
}
}
if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_he

r);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)

dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_law

suit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_anothe

r_unfinished_version);
}

void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)

say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}

don know if should be posted in here but thought u guyz mite want a look

psykotikpenguin

Feb 24 2004, 01:24 AM

LOL. I'm having trouble compiling this, though. Can someone compile it for me?

/sarcasm

FakoLy

Feb 24 2004, 01:36 AM

LOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

that's what i call nice code man ^^

++

buzzons

Feb 24 2004, 02:08 AM

that is some tight codeing

Buz

ComSec

Feb 24 2004, 02:13 AM

LOL ...looks like take the piss week...good one

REGENERATION

Feb 24 2004, 02:41 AM

LOL

Buluemoon

Feb 24 2004, 02:51 AM

I have used it and it is a *VIRUS*

LMAO

crash3rzz

Feb 24 2004, 02:53 AM

LOL one hell of a nice code hhahaa
" dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies); " haha

captainil

Feb 24 2004, 03:40 AM

LOL... VERY NICE.

ducky

Feb 24 2004, 06:35 AM

QUOTE (crash3rzz @ Feb 24 2004, 02:53 AM)

LOL one hell of a nice code hhahaa
" dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies); " haha

i think Blonde virgins are extinct from this world long time ago

Very nice *source code* btw

Major Chrome

Feb 24 2004, 07:05 AM

Just couldn't figure out why it wouldn't compile

Nice one!

Mouhahaha

Feb 24 2004, 09:13 AM

"The unauthorized copying and distribution of Microsoft's protected source code is a violation of both civil and criminal copyright and trade secret laws" so stop
distributing the code.

PS: It RULES !!!

pdf

Feb 24 2004, 10:07 AM

QUOTE

order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);

crazy

invisible-boy

Feb 24 2004, 11:09 AM

lol,Longhorn Source code

) ll oo ll.....
nice code but....

larsbruggie

Feb 24 2004, 11:42 AM

mrBob

Feb 24 2004, 02:19 PM

haha, this one is funny

good one

boshcash

Feb 24 2004, 02:21 PM

when i compiled this and used this l33t system , next day i found microsoft at my home , when they knew i had their source code (spyware rul3z)

mad-devil

Feb 24 2004, 04:39 PM

Löl! great code

BuzzDee

Feb 24 2004, 05:26 PM

wicked

tried to compile it without succes... :/ when someone compiles ill make an auothacker =D

btw: shouldnt this code be kept private? think its quite dangerous

technoboy

Feb 24 2004, 07:25 PM

QUOTE

market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;

LOLLLLLLLLL anti-ms propaganda at his best

Leonnetje

Feb 24 2004, 07:38 PM

w00t w00t !!!! Unbelievable who can come up with these things....

Someone has nothing to do or is completely frustrated about Microshit

hehehe..... nice nice nice !!

usch

Feb 24 2004, 08:39 PM

hm i think it can only be cimpiled under linux

Merchantp

Feb 24 2004, 11:36 PM

only compiles under Beos

r00tless

Feb 25 2004, 10:36 AM

LOL

Great Code!
MicroSoft Should build a new compiler!
Somthing like Visuall Say++ or Visuall $++ For compilling this.

JDog45

Feb 25 2004, 08:18 PM

lol pretty good. Thanks for the post.

Krolden

Feb 25 2004, 08:56 PM

This is a good one too.

CODE

* Source Code Windows 2000 */

#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "win98.h"
#include "workst~1.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#include "monopoly.h"
#include "backdoor.h"
#define INSTALL = HARD

char make_prog_look_big(16000000);
void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();

if (first_time_installation)
{
make_100_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of-OS2();
make_futile_attempt_to_damage_Linux();
disable_Netscape();
disable_RealPlayer();
disable_Lotus_Products();
hang_system();
} //if
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();

if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_31();
do_nothing_loop();
} // if
} //while

if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();

if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed,very_slow);
set_mouse(action,jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction,sometimes);
} //if

/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.1"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 3.0"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 98"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 4.0"); */
printf("Welcome to Windows 2000");

if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt)
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp",O_CREATE);

while(something)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
} // while
create_general_protection_fault();

} // main

chris105

Feb 25 2004, 09:29 PM

Wouldnt compile either :S

justatemp

Feb 26 2004, 11:24 AM

How come there was no press report about these leaks?
Were they ashamed of the code?

;-)

zero-maitimax

Feb 26 2004, 11:29 AM

yeah well it isn't the hole source.. the hole source it's 20 gig

and the stuff spreading around is about 670 mb so..

riotz

Feb 26 2004, 01:04 PM

subn3t

Feb 26 2004, 11:18 PM

great one but ... it does not work with wine ...... should I use winex

SCVirus

Feb 26 2004, 11:47 PM

you cant compile without lie.h

ILX

Mar 26 2004, 09:56 PM

u may also need

#include <bastard.h>
#include <_big_fat_liar.h>

printed and sticked in my office door

tweakz20

Mar 26 2004, 10:19 PM

LOL!!!.. this is pretty nice, but whoever made this needs to find a day job

ps- it's in the exploit section why? lol

Erra

Mar 27 2004, 06:01 AM

got it compiled and in the downloads section......

j/k obviously

Nice post mate very amusing

Milka

Mar 27 2004, 03:52 PM

haha l0l

nice 1

k0nsl

Mar 27 2004, 06:48 PM

QUOTE (ducky @ Feb 24 2004, 06:35 AM)

QUOTE (crash3rzz @ Feb 24 2004, 02:53 AM)

LOL one hell of a nice code hhahaa
" dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies); " haha

i think Blonde virgins are extinct from this world long time ago

Very nice *source code* btw

Wrong.

isaiah

Mar 28 2004, 05:54 AM

what port do i sacn jk

jjoao

Mar 29 2004, 03:30 PM

Now it's clear why MS engineers make so much money. No wonder, with code like this, it's impossible to top them. Damn it, there goes all my hopes.

Nice one, gave me a few laughs indeed.

canardwc

Mar 31 2004, 04:44 PM

question how to compile?? :-)))

liquidSilver

Mar 31 2004, 04:52 PM

God, if you try using google.com/search button you will find a guide..

Research a little.

Divx_dude

Mar 31 2004, 08:57 PM

QUOTE (Mouhahaha @ Feb 24 2004, 09:13 AM)

"The unauthorized copying and distribution of Microsoft's protected source code is a violation of both civil and criminal copyright and trade secret laws" so stop
distributing the code.

PS: It RULES !!!

LOOOL

microsoft secure those systems or corrupt emplyees

hahaha billy booyyy